Feeling sorry for myself

This will probably be the last time I write on this thing. I getting tired of it. So, this will be my last "vent" one way or another. I'm on my soapbox people. A world of shit is flowing right about now, and its headed in your direction.

Been up for awhile. In the dark. crying. I know it is just a bout of medical induced depression, but it's mine and I can do what I want with it. I choose to feel sorry for myself. My own brothers don't ever call, so I guess I should not care that no one else does. (One exception: Thank you Gale for the call in the hospital. It raised my spirits more than I can ever say. You are the best.)

For years, I have tried to be involved, just to be include in the family. Yes, I love my brothers and kids, but there is something about you guy's family dynamics that is so much fun to watch when you get together. The problem, Richard is never included like he would have liked to have been at one time. Now, he chastises me for for trying to keep him involved with family when they so obviously don't want him involved. I don't think it hurts him like it used to, but hurts the hell out of me. I hear "I love you" from a man that took better than 10 years to say that, because he could not open up for any more hurt. I still cry when I hear it, because it means so much to me. I love this man so much and his own family can't even call him and give him any moral support. I know that part of this is my fault. I put unreal expectations on you I guess. He has been through radiation, (he won't say it but I will: CANCER SURVIVOR!!) and all my medical problems, and has emerged as the best person I know.
I didn't want to say anything to anyone about my surgery because I didn't want scorn or worse, indifference. Well, I got the indifference anyway it seems. Rich talked me into allowing a few people to know what and when. But when he sent messages to the rest of you, only a couple responded. and then, it was not with any support of us. So, I tried again. Hense, the last blog on Friday when we came home. (It was an emotional reunion. Lucy went nuts). Here again, no replys in 2 days. Thanks for the support.

The best thing that has come of this debacle is that Heather came to see me in the hospital. She and Rich had a long talk. She told him we did the right thing by not bailing her out when she got pregnant with Lacey, and it has taken her all these years to say this. I thought I was hallucinating. So no more bailing out or excused for anyone else. I love all my family. If you choose to not be included, that is your option. I will respond to any requests for help I can, but I won't put my heart out there anymore.
bye.